How Do I Say It?

Sigh. I have butterflies in my stomach and I know what to say but don't want to say it but I do want to say it. I don't want to be preached at or told it is too soon, ect. ect., but I've signed up with LDSplanet. It's an online service. I've been a member for about a month. There's a number of stories I could tell already, but there is only one I want to tell, and his name is Jason. This feels so risky blogging about this, but I feel compelled. I might be making a mountain out of a molehill. It might turn into nothing, he might not be the guy for me, I don't know, but something is definitely happening. He's called me 6 nights in a row now. 6 nights! In a row! And it's always him that calls! And it's always 3-5 hour conversations. I'm not exaggerating. Okay, so now you're all dying, who is he. Okay. He contacted me. He revealed two nights ago the reason. I have a line in my profile that says, "and I'm very conservative politically, so if you are a liberal, don't bother." He told me that I'm prettier than women that usually think that way. He then compared me to Anne Coulter. He said, "Take Anne Coulter for instance, everytime I see her on TV I think, Anne you need to gain some weight, and I don't like fake blonds. She's a fake blond. I don't know why anyone would die their hair blond, when they're hair is brown. It looks terrible." Okay, so all of those words are just music to my ears. And then last night, when we were deep into politics, I gave my opinion on something, and said "of course I'm just a regular person, you probably have a different view" (he works in politics). He laughed and said "Rebecca, you are not a regular person. You are so not a regular person." I asked him if he meant with politics, and he said no, he meant in everything. I need to back up and tell you about him. He's from Pennsylvania. He's in Alabama right now working on a governor campaign, for Judge Moore, known as the 10 commandment judge. He's 36, he joined the church when he was 27, he's been engaged once, never married, no kids. His family are not members of the church and are a bunch of democrats still pining over Hillary : ) Because of his work, he can't go to church every Sunday. He says he wants to quit the rock and roll lifestyle of campaigns and settle down. He says this will probably be his last campaign and he might not even stick out the whole campaign. Of course the church thing makes me nervous, so last night I made my goals very clear. Meaning, even though my first try at marriage was a disaster in the end, I'm not giving up, and that I want to get married again, and that I want that to happen in the temple. He claims he wants the same thing, and thinks I shouldn't want anything less.

Sigh. My head is in a whirlwind. We email throughout the day, the past two days he's even called me during the day too. I think about him all of the time. I'm a lot happier. I'm more motivated, and get more things done. I don't feel so hopeless all of the time. I know I should "heal" with the Savior, therapy, and soul searching, but it is really hard to wait until all of that is done before looking for someone and liking someone. Am I crazy? I tell you, if we had spent all of this time together in person, as long as he bathes, and brushes his teeth, we'd definitely be kissing. I've only been divorced a little over a month, and I already like someone that likes me. Of course there's the whole meeting thing, and who knows when that will happen. There's so much more to say, I hardly know where to start. Is this a rebound relationship? Would I be like this with anyone who paid me attention? I'm praying more and reading my scriptures more so that I am close enough to the spirit to know if I'm doing the right or wrong thing. Of course the kids don't know anything about him. I'm not sure when I'm supposed to tell them. And who knows, this whole thing might be over tomorrow, even though that's very hard to imagine. Having him live so far away seems really safe, but Des keeps telling me he could show up at my door this Saturday. Of course I'll be in Salt Lake City this weekend, which he knows, so that wouldn't be very smart of him! He thinks Darin was abusive, and the only people who have said that have been my parents and siblings, and Elder Oaks (in a talk, not to me personally, obviously). He's revealed many flaws from his past(because I've asked him, the poor guy gets the third degree every day), so I hope he's being honest. If he was lying and trying to impress, I could think of a lot of things I would have left out if I was him. But don't get the wrong idea, he's awesome. Totally awesome, more awesome each day. He's funny, we laugh a lot. He's half Polish, and half Philippino, so he's always calling himself a Philippino Pollock. Are you sick of reading yet? The cat's out of the bag. I'm back on the market people.